10. UM... 我不是女同志, 但我很好奇女同志是怎樣的。
(來源: Huffington Post)
1. "Are you really a lesbian? You don't look like one."
Interesting question, but onerooted in a lot of confusion. Two major stereotypes regarding the appearance oflesbians exist: that of the "butch" masculine lesbian who decidedlyrejects society's vision of women by wearing short hair, plaid shirts, and loose-fittingclothing, and that of the highly sexualized, feminine lesbian common inpornography and advertising. In reality, lesbians are as diverse as any othergroup, and that's reflected in their appearances and mannerisms. No group ofpeople fits into a particular mold or has the same exact comforts orexpressions through appearance as everyone else.
2. "When did you become a lesbian?"
Hmm, when did you becomestraight? A sexual identity isn't something anyone really becomes; it'ssomething people are. Sexuality isn't a choice. Even if your friends frommiddle school swear up and down that you had a crush on Timmy in the eighthgrade, it doesn't mean you weren't a lesbian at the time.
3. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Tell you what?About my sexuality? For most members of the LGBTQ community, there are a lot ofreasons that we don't explicitly talk about our sexuality, the most common onebeing that we are not yet comfortable being out. The coming-out process is adifficult one and operates on many levels: It entails the risk of being firedfrom our jobs, disrupting our family units, or subjecting us to prejudice inour neighborhoods.
4. "Who's the guy in your relationship?"
Ouch. Some aspects of thepatriarchy and heteronormative strains of society simply don't apply insame-sex relationships, and someone having to be "the guy" in alesbian relationship is one of them. Women can coexist without a male figure orinfluence, just as male same-sex couples don't require someone to be "thewoman" in the relationship.
5. "I don't know how you two can deal with eachother's emotional mood swings. I drive my boyfriend crazy enough!"
While no relationship is perfect,the idea that lesbian relationships are more volatile or turbulent becausewomen are inherently moody and clingy is offensive on multiple levels. Straightor gay, not all women are not flighty, emotional creatures begging to commit onthe second date, and the outdated idea that all women are indecisive andoverdramatic does not apply to lesbians (or straight women) across the board.
6. "Did something, you know, happen to you to make you afraid ofmen?"
No. In spite of people claiming that there is a correlation between lesbianismand sexual abuse, nothing happened to "turn" anyone into a lesbian.Lesbians are not afraid of men or penises, just as gay men are not afraid ofwomen or vaginas or were all abused by straight women in their childhood.Homosexuality isn't something that happens as a result of a bad, scary thing.
7. "At least you don't have to worry about STIsor getting pregnant, right?"
Actually, lesbians can spreadSTIs like anyone else; that's why female condoms and dental dams exist. Also,when it comes time for same-sex couples to have children (if they make thatdecision), it can be a time-consuming, frustrating, expensive and exhaustingprocess. Being reminded that they can't get pregnant on their own isn't alwaysa welcomed relief.
8. "So how do you actually have sex?"
Some of my sassier same-sexfriends would tell people who ask this question to just Google it, but Idisagree. Although there is some pornography made for "real"lesbians, I disagree with the idea that anything in the media defines orrepresents the real sexual nature of any coupling, straight or gay. All peoplehave different comforts, likes and dislikes in sexual activity, and not alllesbians enjoy the same things. If some lesbians enjoy using sex toys, this doesn'tmean they're emulating the penis. If others enjoy oral sex, it doesn't meanthey're feeding into the male fantasy of lesbian pornography. And just becausea particular act -- such as fisting -- rarely makes it onto the screen incommercial pornography, that alone does not make it any less of a"real" sex act than any other intimate activity in which two womenmight engage. How lesbians have sex is often treated as a great wonder becauseof the lack of a penis, but that wonder has more to do with a patriarchalsociety and gender norms than an actual need for anyone to know about anyoneelse's sex life.
9. "So have you ever thought of having athreesome?"
This question comes from straightmen, straight women and other women in the LGBTQ community. My personal answeris this: No.My wife and I are strict monogamists and aren't interested in experimentingwith others in the bedroom. However, some members of the LGBTQ community liketo have threesomes, and that's OK, and lesbians who enjoy them aren't sex-hungryanimals desperate to turn straight women gay or put on a show for straight men.Straight or gay, people have different sexual comforts, and the sexualizationof the LGBTQ community, especially lesbians and women who have sex with women,is not accurate or acceptable.
10. "Well, I'm not a lesbian, but I've alwayswondered what it would be like."
If you want to experiment,experiment! Only you can determine what your sexuality is. No matter how muchyou hint or flirt, you shouldn't expect a lesbian to lean over and whisper thatthey can just tell you're truly a lesbian or ask if you want to hook up andfind out. Lesbians aren't here for you to experiment with if you're curiousabout your sexuality. No women are sex objects here for someone else's pleasureor experimentation, and that includes lesbians and women who have sex withother women. Whether you're a male or a female, don't expect lesbians -- oranyone you're attracted to -- to be one-dimensional beings without feelings orcomforts outside their sexuality.